Dear People Who Were on the Local News Last Night,
Your stupidity and lack of common sense astound me. First, you skip down to the Gulf Coast on your family vacation as though you expect nothing to be wrong, ready to relax in the sand and the sun. Then you’re shocked to see tar balls on the formerly pristine beach where you’ve vacationed for years. You do some melodramatic soliloquizing whilst videotaping said tar balls on the beach in the dark with a flashlight.
You then get a paper towel, scoop up a tar ball, and BRING IT HOME AS A SOUVENIR. Then you cut your vacation short and hightail it out of there. Oh, and then you talk about how heartbreaking it was that your children couldn’t play on the beach.
The disaster in the Gulf Coast is not a tourist attraction. Don’t fly down there to discuss how awful it was, collect a tar ball to keep forever, and come home. Why didn’t you pick up a shovel and bucket and help pick up some of the tarballs off of your beloved beach?
The Girl Who Is Frustrated With Your Complete and Utter Futility