otherwise engaged

Funny, I wanted nothing more than to get bar results and get on with life. That’s exactly what happened.

After Seattle, it was an agonizing couple of weeks until bar results came out. Actually, I’m not sure agonizing even begins to describe the feeling, particularly in the last few days. The trouble with knowing the date and approximate time that the results will be released is that it makes you absolutely neurotic. I never thought I would be one to lose two nights of sleep beforehand because my mind wouldn’t shut off. I also never thought I would be one to hit refresh probably half a million times in the 36 or so hours leading up to the release.

On September 13th, I found out that I passed the bar exam. The feeling when I saw my name on the pass list is pretty much indescribable. (Oh! The immense relief! Happy tears! The weight of a thousand worlds suddenly lifted off my shoulders! More happy tears!) I worked between then and the swearing-in ceremony September 23rd, sort of in a state of limbo. My boss started calling me his associate, but because I didn’t have that handy dandy little attorney pin number, I still couldn’t truly do anything on my own. I was still putting his name at the bottom of documents, and getting his approval on everything, even the most basic of letters.

On September 23rd, I was sworn in by my favorite Iowa Supreme Court Justice with over 200 other new attorneys, many of whom are my friends. It was a great day to share with them, and Ryan and my Mom (and Ryan’s family who had a pretty strong showing, I might add). We celebrated that evening with some of my law school faves, and then it was right down to it.

On the morning of Monday the 26th, a mere three days after being sworn in, I was off on a 40 minute drive to a nearby town for a hearing. All by myself. And then that afternoon, I had a new client appointment of my own for estate planning. All by myself. Since then, I’ve had another court hearing, drafted a will and powers of attorney, and had a new child custody client come in (among many other things). You guessed it, all by myself.

So what I’m saying is twofold really:

1. I’ve been so busy that I’ve barely had time to feel guilty for not blogging. Though there has been some guilt — I realized that unless people could see my Facebook account, they might not know what my fate was with respect to the bar exam. For that, my apologies.

2. Passing the bar and getting sworn in has somehow managed to make me revert to being a toddler or young child. I get so excited when I get to do something “all by myself,” in case you didn’t notice. My legal career is in its infancy stage, though . . . so I guess it’s pretty fitting.

Although I’ve been otherwise engaged, I hope to start making it back here a bit more often. I’ve certainly missed it!

barbri day thirty one: almost there

This past weekend was quite lovely. Friday after the lecture I spent a few hours with my law school friends at a Barbri Blows cookout and party at the pool. There’s nothing like a little sunshine and girl talk to distract you from the books waiting for you at home! Saturday evening, I relaxed with some of Ryan’s family in the shade, enjoying particularly delicious margaritas. I worked hard on Sunday, and then completely took off Monday.

Best thing I’ve ever done! Yesterday when I had to sit down and learn about trusts, I didn’t feel quite the level of dread I’ve been feeling the past few weeks. It was so nice to just relax, have a few glasses of sangria, visit with friends I haven’t seen in awhile, and even play a rousing game of kick ball.

Counting today, only three days of lectures left and then I am on my own to review. It’s crunch time!

“Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is perhaps, the end of the beginning.” — Winston Churchill

I am going to run a substantial risk here of becoming a bit maudlin, but that doesn’t really matter. It’s all a part of the experience! This week has been an emotional roller coaster for me. I realize it’s slightly ridiculous, but that doesn’t stop the sweeping moments of feeling light and overjoyed, and the instances of sadness that seem to overcome me at the oddest times.

I am overjoyed at the idea that I will be done with law school classes as of tomorrow at 10 a.m. I love the thought that I have one rent check left to write, and most of that month will not be spent living separately from my husband. I cannot wait to move on to the next phases of my life: my career, starting a family, finding a new place for us to call home. On the other hand, that joy is a bit tempered. I know that I posted about things starting to hit me before, but nothing has hit home like knowing that tomorrow is it. I will go home, and then it starts. I’m terrible at keeping in touch, and there are so many amazing people I’ve met that I can’t stand the idea of not being near. I couldn’t have asked for better people to be along on my journey through law school.

I know, I know. Cry me a river, right? I will be able to get back to my life with my hubby. I will have my J.D., and will study for and pass the bar. I will have a career I love. I will be close to my family. It’s not that I’m sad about any of that — it’s just . . . it will be different, you know?

Law school has taught me a completely different way to think and look at the world. It’s introduced me to areas of the law that I had no idea I would love. It’s been through law school that I’ve become friends with people I would have never otherwise met. Many people tell horror stories about law school. The truth is, I’ve enjoyed it and I’m going to miss it. Not specifically the endless cases and impossible to understand theories, or the elements and factors. But more generally the experience as a whole. Of course, I’m not trying to romanticize things — there have been genuinely difficult and stressful and panic-inducing moments. But at the same time, I love learning, and I’ve certainly done my fill of that. There is nothing I like better than being challenged. I enjoyed being a teaching assistant and helping people who are new to the world of legal research wade through it. Being involved in as many things as possible, while crazy and stressful, was truly a wonderful decision on my part.

I’m sure that when I’m in the midst of the twenty-seven pounds of books for bar prep I will need to be reminded that this was all worth it – both for the future benefits and the enjoyment I’ve had in the past. So, I suppose this post is for myself, for later.

To my anxious, tired, and stressed-out self, come late June: You’ve come a long way, baby. Count yourself as lucky to have enjoyed the ride!

forty-six

There are relatively few days left until graduation — only forty-six! — and it is starting to dawn on me that life is really and truly about to change. It’s hard to think that in just a couple of short months, I will be living at home full time again. This has a few very obvious implications.

Ryan and I will have to readjust to one another again. Part of what I love about us is that we have still remained our own individual selves in addition to being a couple. Some of the freedom and individuality that has automatically come with me living in the city during the week is going to go away, or it will at least become more of an effort to preserve it. We’re both used to kind of doing what we need or want to do during the week with only a phone call each day between us. I’m so looking forward to being home, but I know we’re going to have to readjust to being around one another every evening and weekend again.

I won’t see my friends every day anymore. Life is going to be so different without these people. We won’t have pre-made social events through the school to keep us close, or even just classes where we see one another several times a week. Law school has provided me with what amounts to a very unexpected wealth of friendship. I’ve met some absolutely amazing people, and they are soon to be spread around the state and the country. Thankfully there are things like email and Facebook, but those things are just not going to suffice. I’m going to miss my Guacamole Fridays, and other friend dates. I’ll miss getting ready at friends’ houses for events, or movie nights. I’ve been terrible my whole life at keeping in contact with friends, but I know that in order to avoid losing these wonderful people I’m going to have to make some changes in that arena.

And finally, I will no longer be taking classes. I will be out there, DOING things. I will have clients and help them through court processes. I will be able to get paid for what I am doing, as opposed to paying thousands of dollars to work in the clinic. I am truly looking forward to getting started in my career, and having my regular life back.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that it will be bittersweet on May 13th. I can’t wait to move on, but at the same time I don’t want to leave the learning and friendships behind. I suppose it’s a good thing I’m going into the law, because I will continue to learn as I go through my career and the legal community is a small one so I will hopefully see some of my classmates in the future as colleagues.

Forty-six days!

the bluest skies you’ve ever seen are in Seattle*

I’m so very excited that over the next six months: I will graduate law school. Two of my favorite people will graduate from college. A friend will marry the man she’s loved for so many years. Ryan’s brother and sister will both get married, and I will have the honor of standing up with them. I will study for and take the bar exam.

And then, comes The Wait.

The worst wait of my entire life, really. It was hard to wait for my score after I took the LSAT. It was miserable to wait for responses from schools when I applied during my senior year of college. It was excrutiating to wait for grades after 1L exams. And I’ve waited for grades and results every semester since, including the MPRE. But not one of those waiting periods will compare to what I anticipate The Wait to be. The Wait that will come between taking the bar exam and the results will be like no other.

So, in order to distract myself from The Wait, Ryan and I are taking our first trip somewhere with just the two of us (and not to visit family) since our honeymoon. It will be just shy of ten years since that trip when we leave for Seattle, and I can’t wait!

If you’ve been to the Emerald City, what is a “must do” for us while we’re there?

*title of post from Seattle by Perry Como.

my very own moment of radio silence

I won tickets and passes for the meet and greet before Ingrid Michaelson and Ryan Star’s performances at the Concert to Combat Hunger that took place last night. I was super excited for an opportunity to meet Ingrid especially, because I love her music.

So my friend Ashley and I were standing in line waiting for our turn to say hello to Ingrid, and I told her I was going to ask her to play You and I during her set because it’s one of my favorites. I wanted to tell her that I love her music, and that I was excited for the opportunity to meet her. And thank her for putting on a concert for such a great cause.

The time came for us to walk into the room and meet Ingrid. And my mind went totally blank. We walked up to her and she looked all tiny and cute, and I stammered that it was nice to meet her without even introducing myself. We smiled for the camera and were ushered out of the room.

*sigh*

I can be such a dork sometimes.

The bright side is that her show was perfection, and she played my song!

favorite quotes from this weekend . . .

“What is this, Hogwarts?”

 – E.B. re: the crazy halls at the hotel

“I don’t like argyle.”

– Random girl at the Dubliner

“WHAT THE HELL IS AK-SAR-BEN?!*”

– Anyone from Iowa

* Ak – Sar – Ben is really Nebraska spelled backwards. Who knew?! It’s apparently a civic organization whose mission is “to leverage collective business leadership to build a more prosperous heartland.” They were having their Coronation and Scholarship Ball at our hotel, and we kept running into girls dressed for what looked like prom. Anyway, you learn something new every day!

plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose

I had the opportunity to attend my 10 year class reunion this past weekend. It was great to see some of my favorite people in the world, and many that I haven’t seen since graduation. I was only able to be there for a short time because I was double booked for the evening, but one observation in particular will stick with me.

I mused that Facebook has taken the mystery out of things like class reunions. I knew who was married or had children. I knew that many of my classmates have moved about the country. I knew that some of them are leading fabulous lives, and some of them are still finding their way. I’d seen pictures to prove all of it. I’d reminisced with many of them over things, and shared in the joy of our new accomplishments.

But at the same time, that electronic existence did not compare to the reality of an excited hug or a shared laugh. We’re all so different – so grown up. But really, we’re still the same.